Tyreek Hill, Kevin Spacey, and the Intersection of OCD and Celebrity Behavior

OCD is all about jumping to illogical conclusions. It take something that is insignificant and potentially unrelated and transforms it into the biggest problem of the moment. Cutting tomatoes with a kitchen knife can spiral into “what if I murdered my entire family right now.” OCD thrives on taking something innocuous and then connecting it to something terrible. One of the more common “association spirals” that occurs in my life has to do with pop culture and celebrities. More specifically, engaging with celebrities who may or may not have done bad things.

For example, I love playing fantasy football, but I have a lot of trouble drafting certain players. Tyreek Hill is one of the most talented players in the NFL and I have had the option to take him multiple times in a fantasy draft, but I just can’t do it because of his legal issues. My mind just simply won’t allow me to do it. It claims that if I take him, I am ok with his assault charges. This opens up a whole Pandora’s Box of OCD problems as then if I am “ok” with him hurting people, that also means I would consider it in my own life. Obviously this is a huge stretch and one that people without OCD would never make. Thousands of people draft Tyreek Hill every year and they aren’t bad people. Many of them probably have a stricter moral compass than I do. But because Tyreek is associated with some actions that my OCD can take advantage of, I just can’t draft him.

I think probably the best way to think about OCD in this context is that it is taking a boycott to an extreme level. For instance, some radio stations have stopped playing any R. Kelly music as it seems pretty clear that he is guilty of a lot of horrible crimes. Here is where my OCD brain and society align. I deleted any R. Kelly music from my phone and refuse to listen to him if a song of his does come on. Is it a little over-the-top? Probably. But it doesn’t cause me too much anxiety. However, where OCD does start taking it too far is when the situation with the celebrity is more ambiguous. I am a huge Dallas Cowboys fan and I actually gave away my (expensive!) Ezekiel Elliott jersey at one point because I felt that by supporting him (through wearing the jersey), I was also condoning assault. And his case was much less clear than Tyreek’s and it seems now that he was probably innocent (although who can know for sure) and he was never charged or convicted of anything. So OCD skips right past the “innocent until proven guilty” and takes any small piece of potential wrongdoing as fact. This caused me to act “not normal” as I gave away the jersey of one of the best players on my favorite team.

Another question that I confront in these situations is does this one person or action invalidate or discredit a larger thing they were a part of. And I think that is a common question that “normal” people do struggle with as well, but OCD takes it to the next level (a common theme here). For instance, it would be difficult, if not impossible for me to watch movies like Seven or LA Confidential because of Kevin Spacey. Same for Ferris Bueller’s Day Off due to the presence of Jeffrey Jones. I think the rational response is that it is ok to appreciate those movies and the performance of those characters while at the same time recognizing that the actors are criminals. But OCD doesn’t allow me to take that path. Instead, it amplifies the actions of the one actor and ties it to every part of the movie, so that my choice becomes black and white. Watch the movie and support their actions or don’t watch the movies and be safe. And that is a false choice, but even while I know that, it is really tough to overcome.

There is so much more grey area than OCD wants us to believe there is. A big key with OCD is accepting uncertainty. Not every situation is the same. And so for me going forward, I know that because my OCD doesn’t want me to watch those movies, that I should watch them as a form of exposure therapy. It will probably be difficult and uncomfortable at first, but like with all other exposure therapy sessions I have done, it will gradually get easier and easier as I re-train my brain to consume this media like “normal” people do. And while the thought might make me a bit queasy right now, I believe that someday I will be able to have a movie marathon of these terrible actors/directors/producers (don’t even get me started on Weinstein) to show OCD that it is possible to move beyond this black and white thinking.